Things That Are Funny To Reference
Take my word on it
I’ll be honest here: I saw Deadpool and. Wolverine. I did. I went to a theater and watched it. If that costs me credibility, trust, or accepted levels of swag, then so be it. Find another shitty newsletter then. Do it. Go. Just don’t come crawling back when you realize every other Substack was late to Industry and we were there first. I was in the fucking trenches. And guess what—before you go? Why don’t you just come to terms with the fact that I sliced the top of my thumb yesterday while making my breakfast of cottage cheese and peaches ( I wanted the peaches to be in little cubes), and I’m actually suffering through an injury to type this for you all? The main typing finger (thumb) is fucking covered in a Band-Aid, and every time I hit the space bar I bleed a little more. It’s gushing profusely just typing this. My keyboard looks like Normandy. Rivers of crimson. But I’m not going to stop. We need this content. We need it. I’m literally bleeding for my art. So why don’t you think about that then before you judge me for going to see Deadpool vs. Wolverine.
Of the many things that sucked about this dogshit movie, the worst was the stupid dance he does to “Bye Bye Bye” during the opening credits. It stinks and is cringe for so many reasons, chief among them that it is an F-tier reference.
It’s bleak that whichever record label owns the N-Sync album went in after the fact and changed the official track listing on Spotify of, arguably, their most famous song just to cash in on that magic Ryan Reynolds juice. But again, Ryan Reynolds is guilty of many crimes, and here, it’s one for which he is a repeat offender: insanely stale references.
If you’re pushing 50 and making a movie in 2024, the lamest thing in the world is to think it’s funny to do a dance to “Bye Bye Bye” as Deadpool, let alone use the original music video choreography. It’s so fucking lame. Even just writing about it is making me cringe.
Here’s another recent example of people being unable to make good references.
Marcin Gortat? Kwame Brown? Dirk Nowitzki???????
These are awful pulls. Maybe seven, eight good pulls across the whole video. No Desagana Diops, no Andres Nocionis, not even an easy good one like Smush Parker. Put a camera up in my living room on a random February night and we’re clearing this shit easy.
I know I’ve said this before, probably every week, probably every time you open this newsletter, but we are in a cultural crisis, team: people are unable to make funny references.
If your entire sense of humor is reference-based, that sucks. I do this a good amount. I suck. Maybe I have more to offer, but in general, I like dropping a good reference. I know that makes me annoying. That’s why, if it’s going to happen, we have to make sure people are making good references.
Everyone has their own stable of go-tos. Ritam, for example, medically cannot go two weeks without referencing: The Teapot Dome Scandal; Gavrilo Princip; the ending of “Cat Person”; etc.
If you find yourself lacking things to reference, don’t worry. Here’s a bank of things to get you started. I’m sure people will read this and be like “These references are torched, too, bro!” And in a way, this is the most craven and shitty newsletter I’ve ever given you guys, predicated on the idea that social competency is a game that can be manipulated by a cataloguing of cultural ephemera, rather than genuine, good-faith bids for human connection and intimacy. But who cares. Once you get on this wavelength, you can probably think of your own.
Dan in Real Life/Greenberg/Jeff Who Lives At Home
That type of vibe. It’s fun cause they’re movies people kind of remember but no one likes, and you can talk about the poster with Steve Carell’s face on the pancakes.
The word “sillage”
This is the word fragheads use to refer to how much a perfume comes off the wearer. Cool word.
Benicio del Toro doing the gun thing with his finger in Sicario: Day of the Soldado
Yeah…this one’s for me 😂
“Paralyzer” by Finger Eleven
People love going “Yooooo” when you bring up this song.
The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise
To really pull this one off, you have to turn your head slowly and go “Not from a Jedi.”
5’6” Aquille Carr’s Hoopmixtape video
Something to note is that, a lot of times, references don’t translate outside of your own sphere of influence. So I don’t know about this one. But we used to watch this one a lot.
Drake Sprite Ad
Chris Mihm
Type of guy we don’t have in the NBA anymore. Brad Miller, Chris Kaman, Spencer Hawes, etc.
Quicksand
Yooo…who else thought quicksand would be a bigger deal when we were adults??? 😂😂😂 Was it just me?? Please tell me it wasn’t just me!! 😂 I can’t be the only one who thought quicksand would be a bigger deal when we were grown-up!
Dinosaur Eggs Oatmeal
Just kind of a shameless nostalgia play here. Break-glass-in-case-of-emergency type reference.
When The Onion called Quvenzhané Wallis a c*nt
I just spelled her name perfectly, first try, off the dome. Not kidding. Accent and everything. No one has even thought about Beasts of the Southern Wild in ten years. Please clap!
Well, there it is folks. Another week down. Awesome. I love my job. Another week of talking about Ryan Reynolds and other dumb shit. Yup. That’s us. Awesome. Yeah.
Ritam’s Footnote
world book. That’s a funny thing to reference in the age of Wikipedia.
Wubbalubadubdub or whatever
Luke Kornet erasure