A couple of weeks ago, I made an offhand reference to slicing little coins off of a banana. Specifically, slicing coins off of a banana so that knife slices towards you, and you use your thumb as kind of a fixed point, and each subsequent coin shuffles the previous one, which was clinging to the knife, off onto its final destination. I said something like that, I think.

This—as they say—got me thinking…what should I write about this week? Oh wait. Sorry…I already figured it out! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Here are some more everyday sensory experiences, equally enchanting:

Getting the correct size Tupperware for your leftovers

No one can argue with this one. Imagine you made a ton of rice, like I’ve already instructed you all to, and you’ve eaten some for dinner—now it’s time to pack that shit up. And imagine you pick the perfect size container, so that when it’s all said and done, you lightly press the top of the mound, it flattens out, and all that’s left to do is put on the lid…Dayenu!

Releasing a piece of food from between your back molars with just your tongue

Could be a stringy chunk of meat, maybe those little threads of mango—a popcorn kernel. But when you leave your fingers out of the equation—a safety valve, if anything—and simply rely on your tongue, it makes the release so much more gratifying. Yes, it’s tough work for the humble lengua, but where would we be if we did not push ourselves to the limit?

Those books that lay open but still have a little bend in them

Hardcover books are tough. They generally look shittier after some wear and tear, whereas paperbacks look charmingly beaten. (Don’t even get me started on the hardcover books with the uneven, ruffly pages.) The ideal texture of book is that one that is a little flexible, so that when you lay it flat on its spine, open to a random page in the middle, either side of the book curves a little bit but stays open. It kind of looks like the Golden Arches. These are so beautiful.

Cranking the pepper grinder in a cool way

The default hand position for pepper grinders right now, the one your amateur self reflexively opts for, is “one hand on top, one hand on bottom.” This vertical setup is easy, sure, but looks swagless.

The cooler way is to underhand it a bit, like they do in Italian restaurants. Even if you just tilt the damn thing, maybe to like a 45-degree angle, it instantly feels more dope. And when you get a solid crank on that bad boy…good God almighty.

Nutting

Nutting, cumming, finishing, busting—whatever your family called it growing up, there’s nothing quite like it, folks. They keep trying to take away nutting from us, but you can’t stop the will of the people. We will nut.

Cracking all your knuckles at once, ideally by pressing down on a closed fist

Kind of like the above.

Now that I’m thinking about it, though, I already said nutting, and cracking your knuckles (while amazing) doesn’t even come close to nutting. So it’s like, why would you read the rest of this? If you already read the part about nutting, whatever comes next can’t be half as good. Ah, well.

Peeling off a sticker on something so perfectly that it leaves no gunky residue

Bottles are great for this. If you’re able to peel off the label cleanly, with nothing left? Hats off to you, queen. Sometimes I have to resort to doing it in little chunks, like a heathen. But again, peeling off a label doesn’t really hold a candle to nutting. Especially if you haven’t nutted in a while. Then peeling a sticker off something cleanly so it leaves no trace that it was even there has no chance of feeling as good as nutting. No, it does not.

Seamlessly transitioning from backing out in Reverse, to braking, to shifting to Drive, to lifting the brake pedal—all in one fluid motion…

I mean, I know this feels objectively amazing. It’s one of the most satisfying ways to begin a drive somewhere. I freaking wrote the damn phrase above. I know it feels incredible. But I ended it with “fluid motion,” and now all I can think about is nutting again.

Nutting

I just couldn’t help myself! The experience so nice I’m saying it twice!

Ritam’s Footnote

You know a real elite-tier experience? When you perfectly align the drill bit with the screw, pump the trigger once, and the screw goes in the exact right amount. Makes me feel like a damn contractor.