Insofar as “weeks” go, this one was pretty full of stuff. A true buffet of stuff. I read about a lot of things this week. Not that I fully read everything, but I skimmed a lot of headlines about things that transpired over the past week or so. And you could say I was edified. For sure, I was definitely edified. But has much changed for me? I come to you now from exactly where I came to you two weeks ago: at my desk, with a coffee, a banana, and a piece of bread with peanut butter on it. I haven’t even taken the effort to slice the banana into little coins and shingle them onto the piece of bread, let alone drizzle some honey and sprinkle some salt on it. That’s sad, because slicing the little coins of banana is a truly gratifying sensory experience—especially when you do it so that the knife slices towards you, you use your thumb as a kind of fixed point, and each subsequent coin shuffles the previous one, which was clinging to the knife, off into its final destination.
The Queen has died, Harry Styles maybe spit on Chris Pine, and Lea Michele had a line about the books/reading thing onstage (I don’t know). These are definitely the most important things that are happening in the world right now, and not flooding in Pakistan or the water crisis in Mississippi, or any of the other stuff that bums me out. The three things I mentioned before are way more important. Trust me.
I also have some things I’m dealing with in my own life. Let’s see how those news events have personally affected me, and whether I should care about them in any capacity.
Yesterday, I Went To Walgreens To Get My Second COVID Booster After Making An Appointment. The Pharmacy Said “The Shots Guy Didn’t Show Up Today. Try Coming Back Tomorrow.”
The Queen Dying: I don’t think this would make much of a difference. Her death probably doesn’t affect the supply chain of vaccines much.
Harry Styles Maybe Spitting On Chris Pine: Hmm. Probably not either.
Lea Michele Thing: I could see an argument for why maybe this would affect me getting my second COVID booster, but I don’t think I’d buy it.
I Signed A Lease On A 2023 Kia Forte. I Was Supposed To Pick It Up Yesterday, But It’s Been Delayed A Week.
The Queen Dying: Another supply chain issue. They might be able to speed up the end of this chip shortage now that she’s kicked it, though. So this potentially could be fixed.
Harry Styles Maybe Spitting On Chris Pine: Nope. Don’t think so.
Lea Michele Thing: I used to watch Glee, back in the day. Maybe there’s some butterfly effect thing here that ends with my overpriced car being continually delayed, rendering me helpless, the Gob of the greater Syracuse metropolitan area. But again—I don’t think Lea Michele not being able to read or whatever would actually affect that.
I Have Been Waking Up Every Morning For A Few Weeks With This Song Stuck In My Head.
The Queen Dying: The sun never sets on the British Empire, they say. Well—the sun never sets on this banger, in my head. Here’s what could happen: I could spend my time mourning the Queen by listening to Spotify’s remembrance collection (thanks, Spotify!), and then, much like the banana coins shuffled off of their assembly line, a new song will take its place to haunt my every morning in the shower!
Harry Styles Maybe Spitting On Chris Pine: I actually don’t think he spit on him. He probably accidentally let something fly, but we’re all too jacked up about this.
Lea Michele Thing: I barely know what I’m talking about here. That being said, if this piece of news maybe nudged me to seek out the Funny Girl original cast recording, I could see myself getting hooked on a new song, for sure!
Every Day I Obsess Over The Number Of Hairs I Count In My Plastic Comb. “Could This Be It? Could This Be The End?” I Ask Myself. And Then I Go To Sleep And Wake Up And Do It All Over Again The Next Day.
The Queen Dying: When India was colonized by Britain, those mfs could have done something. They could have given us a little help in the hair department. But instead, they chose to do boring, evil stuff. They knew, and they let it happen. I hate to say it, but I’m blaming Lizzy for this one.
Harry Styles Maybe Spitting On Chris Pine: It would actually be fucking wild if he intentionally spit on him. He’s probably one of the five most famous people on the planet right now. That would be an insane thing to do.
Lea Michele Thing: Love that she got the chance to do her thing. Get that bread, girl! But if she and her man Jonathan Groff don’t do something to combat South Asian hair loss soon, I’ll be disappointed.
Wow. As you can see, the world is a fascinating place. Yes, it’s all a rich tapestry. And all we can do is take in the important, urgent news of the day, and filter it through our own suffocating, parochial world views. God bless. Here’s to feeling good all the time.
The Edification of Nabeel Chollampat by the Coward Harry Styles
Fuck marry kill Harry styles Daniel kaluuya Queen Elizabeth. Top 3 Brits innit.
Also, sounds like you’re going through a lot of obstacles in upstate New York. Sucker 😂.