Rules of Engagement

Please act right

There’s people I don’t know on this thing now. A lot of people I don’t know are now on this thing, and now it’s gotten too unwieldy. It used to be just people I know or friends of friends, and now there’s like randos reading this I think. I guess it’s cool or whatever but also I need you all to shape up.

To anyone who’s reading this right now whom I’ve never met/don’t really know: let’s get one thing straight. You cannot embarrass me. You just can’t. When you’re sharing this with your friends, opening these emails up in public spaces (coffee shop, subway, darkened movie theater, etc.), leaving comments down below—there needs to be a code of conduct. I need you all to lock in.

I’ve had multiple employment opportunities (seven figures and above) pissed away because of how you all have been commenting on these posts. Many high-powered people in elite global spheres have told me they would have hired me and paid me in pure clout if it weren’t for how you turds on our subscriber list were acting in your day-to-day lives. They said you all walked around with huge egos, exhibiting textbook definitions of psychopathy, and that it was an embarrassment to my general profile.

Here are some general ground rules:

Do not—do NOT—fire off any unsanctioned riffs in the comments

If you’re picking up what I’m putting down, that’s great. I love that you’re responding to it all positively. I love it! But what I can’t have you do is try out B-minus level riffs in the comments. I can’t be handing out favs to shit that doesn’t even extend the premise. Unless it’s an absolute banger, just leave it in the drafts. Or save it for a Ritam week.

If you’re going to say something racist, make sure it’s funny

Dude—I get it. We’re just a couple of Indian guys. We’re sitting ducks for this stuff. And sometimes you just get an urge, right? You gotta get it out of the system. But if you’re sending this around in your group chats, maybe forwarding it to a few friends, and you want to add on a little racist tag? Please make sure it’s at least funny. I do not want to be roasted because of things I can’t change, in general, and if it does have to happen, so be it, but I just need to make sure it’s at least funny. At least give me that much.

Need some more Titus Energy

Pick a damn side

Tough follower count for Gunn here

Either you comment on Ritam’s stuff, or you comment on mine. Don’t straddle the fence. Don’t try to play both of us. I’ve decided to go down our subscriber list and separate everyone into either “Ritam subscribers” or “Nabeel subscribers” based on general vibes. It turns out it’s an even, 50/50 split. And you can’t be both. So if you’re gonna show up on my week, you better be there the whole damn time. And don’t let me catch you engaging with our content on an off-week. It just comes off as so disingenuous?

Gas me up as much as you can, but don’t overdo it

Just be chill about it. Make sure that when you’re reading this in public, you laugh, maybe even show some teeth, and angle the phone so that the guy holding the subway railing above you can kind of make out some words. Here, I’ll throw in a funny meme for him to notice:

Beloved Subscriber Jesse Aaronson recently DMd me this pic 5 times in a row while everyone else in the car was sleeping. That’s the kind of funny shit I expect from the rest of you guys that I don’t know

But also, when you’re laughing, don’t go overboard. Sometimes I see you guys absolutely loving my shit publicly, being so fucking effusive in your praise and telling me I’m the GOAT, that it’s kind of off-putting. It’s not a good look. The glazing is craaazhy.

If I don’t know you—hey! Introduce yourself some time!

Don’t be a stranger! :) I’m always so open to meeting new people. What’s taking you guys so long? Come up to Syracuse, shoot me an email to grab coffee, ask if I want a remote, freelance, part-time gig in copywriting, copy editing, podcast production/transcript cleanup, content strategy, etc. (my rates are flexible but ballpark $50/hr) and let me know what your preferred work schedule is, because I’ve got a lot of free time, and I can jump on projects at any stage at the moment, and I really would like some extra cash. It’s so special that you all subscribe to this thing in the first place!!! <3

DM if you need a full copy!

Please do not reference this in person

When I see you in person, in the real world, face to face, do NOT say the words “Substack” or “Low Lift Ask.” That’s the last thing I want to hear. I want to talk about art, love, philosophy, the intersection of commerce and creativity, all the things we feel too scared to say out loud, all the light we cannot see, the beautiful things that heaven bears, etc. Talking about this whole thing out loud reminds me that it’s actually something we do, and that I should be profoundly embarrassed about it.

God Bless You All.

Ritam’s Footnote

Last week, I dropped the ball on getting this in early enough for Nabeel to leave a note. So this week, I’ll be abdicating my seat in the commentariat in order to equalize our relations. Won’t be writing a damn thing down here. Not one word.