Comic-Con 2K22
Thursday, July 21
My first job out of Michigan has been dope as fuck. I’m a Vibes Curator for Saavn, an Indian music streaming platform. The country is #3rdWorld so they don’t use the phrase Content Creator yet, but I’m pushing internally to be able to add that to my LinkedIn. Basically what I do is put together playlists for different moods and vibes based on what an Indian person is doing at a specific moment. I don’t know much about Hindu music and shit but I know a banger when I see it so I know of know my lane. I’m working remote so my sleep schedule is basically flip-flopped; my team is all kind of quiet dudes named Naresh who live in Bangalore (don’t know time zone, probably past EST) and I meet with them every day. I don’t think we see eye to eye on much but they share me YouTube links and stuff. I’ve also become fluent in Kannada. This will get me on the path to working at Spotify for sure.
Saavn had me out at Comic-Con this year for an activation in Hall H. Turns out Indian people fuckin love Marvel movies. I think they’re good too. Thanos snapping and stuff was lowkey sick and Scarlett Johansson = ultimate babe. Reminder to watch this video later:
Thursday night I decided to go out to a bar across from the convention center to try to see if I could get laid at least once this weekend. Comic-Con pussy got me actin strange, no cap! Just kidding. Will write it down in the journal if that does happen.
Went to a sweet gastropub/brewery in the Gaslamp district. San Diego is full of cool places like this, where I can get a fried chicken sandwich with coleslaw served on a quarter sheet pan for $16. So sick. They were also bumping the new Harry Styles album, which made me feel so effing good. Because of my job I hadn’t heard the English language in a while. I almost fell to my knees because of how beautiful it sounded.
I ended up walking up to this one girl and interrupting her dinner with a friend because I thought she was cute! I asked her what her deal was and she said “I’m here with a friend. We have weekend passes for Comic-Con.”
I said I was working Comic-Con and her ears perked up, and then I told her where the booth would be set up, and then again she seemed less interested. I asked her what her favorite movie was and she said RIPD starring Ryan Reynolds. This was definitely going to be a home run for me—I fuckin love Ryan Reynolds lol.
We talked for a while and she told me the thing she was most excited to see was the Black Panther panel, to see some footage and see how they’d planned to move forward after Chadwick Boseman passed away.
“Oh man, RIP,” I said. “Sorry, but what the fuck is Black Panther? And what’s a panel?”
She kind of laughed at me and then quickly said she needed to go home. Looks like I should have studied up before coming to Comic-Con.
Friday, July 22
Today I was posted up in the main room trying to get dudes to sign up for the app by blasting Telugu music at the entrance. It didn’t seem to be working but then one guy came up. He said “Yo any chance you can turn it down? They’re about to announce the new Dungeons and Dragons movie, accompanied by a trailer.”
He was cosplaying as Elrond, which is some nerd shit I only know about because of my bitchass dad. But something about his face seemed familiar so I pulled off the Crown of the Lord of Rivendell in one swift motion to get a better look.
“PJ?”
“Oh my god. I almost didn’t recognize you.”
The last time I had seen PJ he was neck-deep in sand, planted there by mine own hand. I asked him what the fuck he was doing here, and how he’s been, man?
“I’m fine. To be completely honest, I don’t want to talk to you. This is a safe space for people like me, and I think you’ve sullied it just with your presence.”
Tf? Why did he say I sullied something? (google “sullied” later) I don’t even care about this wack-ass corny shit like The Rings of Power trailer, in which we’ll finally see Bezos’ vision for Tolkien’s sumptuous, robust world.
“Hey man I’m just here working with Saavn, I’m sorry about what happened in-”
“Saavn? What’s that?”
“It’s an Indian music streaming platform. Kind of their country’s answer to Spotify.”
“Oh…good to know you finally found it in you to care about something non-white and heteronormative…”
“Bro what? We were in AEPi together. We are both white. And what does that word mean”
PJ scoffed and put his crown back on then walked away. Wtf dude. What is his problem
After 5 hours of no one signing up, and after PJ’s stupid little bullshit, I decided to go get some food. I walked outside to get tacos and carne asada fries and then came back. But in the time I had left, Amazon’s head honchos had already announced and shown off the new trailer for the LOTR show.
Curse him! Curse PJ and his foul blabbering! I honestly don’t even care that much about this gamer nerd-ass PC stuff, and for sure I can watch the trailer when it drops on YouTube, but maybe it would have been cool to be in the throng of fans experiencing the thrill of its debut. Probably not but maybe. Fuck.
The part that sucks is that I have to do this Saavn brand activation each day for the next two days. I don’t get a day off. I’m actually bound to Indian labor laws, not US, so I don’t get a break or time off of overtime. Don’t know how much of that is true but my manager said that to me on WhatsApp.
Saturday, July 23
Only one new subscriber for Saavn this morning. I asked my boy Sidharth to man the station while I roamed a bit.
I walked into one hall that was like Comic-Con but for food YouTubers. Kind of sick. Dude named J. Kenji Lopez-Alt (sick name…) and Dan Souza from America’s Test Kitchen were collabing on a sweet new recipe for shitty mapo tofu. I don’t know what that is but it looked like shit. People went crazy for it.
Then I went to another hall where people were getting a bunch of comics signed. I didn’t care about that. Why would you come to Comic-Con, the biggest place for trailer and cast reveals, to get your stupid little book signed. People were straight up lined up to take pictures with a dude I haven’t even seen on tv before. Everyone here is such a damn nerd.
Honestly so pissed at PJ’s whole deal. I feel bad about what I did but it was more than 2 years ago so he didn’t have to be a little geed bitch about it. And his cosplay wasn’t even that good, I should’ve taken a pic and sent it to the GroupMe. But then they would know that I was here too so I didn’t. God I’m so angry. Some dude just told me I can’t vape in the convention center.
Then I walked into what seemed like the Game of Thrones hall. The place was packed with dudes dressed up as Khal Drogo. Seemed heteronormative to me—lol, just thought of that. Don’t know what it means but it’s funny. DaNarys was such a babe in that show. Sucks that after season 3 we didn’t see her topless anymore. But good for her. I wouldn’t want creeps only tuning in cause of that. Dudes can be so sus.
I wandered over to the front and got a good view of the panel. And Low and behold…who do I see but fuckin PJ at the head of the table! What was his ass doing here? Was he writing for Game of Thrones? Also I thought the show ended so what was this.
People kept fucking cheering and wouldn’t stop for the longest time, but eventually they did and PJ walked up to the damn mic. OK turns out he doesn’t write for the show but is the host of the largest GOT fandom podcast where he breaks down theories, plot twists, and major reveals for both book readers and non-readers alike and so he was leading this panel. Lame lol
In the middle of his introductory remarks, though, PJ met my eyeline. He paused for a second, then shook his head. I mouthed “What’s up bitch” and he didn’t say anything.
“You guys are all here for the Saavn brand activation, right?” He got a big, big, rolling laugh. “Just kidding. We know what we’re all here for. We’re here for more Westeros, for more-”
At that point I had already rushed the stage. Who was he to talk shit about Saavn, currently one of India’s leading music streaming platforms? Sure, the app isn’t great, and the selection is kind of impossible to navigate, and maybe it lacks the same stickiness and mass appeal of something like Spotify.
I made it past the security guards, walked up slowly, wound up, and smacked him right across his damn smug face. Then I walked back into the crowd, which was silent as fuck.
PJ: “Dude…what is your problem”
I yelled back, “Keep my app’s name out your fuckin’ mouth!”
PJ: “What?”
Then I just realized how funny the thing I said was. Look at this:
It was kind of like the Will Smith thing, but I had said it accidentally. I guess it was just in my brain somehow. So then I quickly ran back onstage and said it into the mic, to see if people would laugh. They kind of chuckled here and there and then I was forcefully tackled by security.
It was a gruesome scene. My ribs buckled under the weight of their massive, combined heft. They jammed their clammy, thick hands into the back of my neck, ensuring I stayed down. I could see, my left cheek flat on the stage floor, the gaping maw of the Comic-Con audience. As the might of the American police state bore down on my Vibes Curator’s body, and the only thing in my vision was the current state of popular culture and its unending appetite for mediocrity, all I could hear was PJ’s laugh behind me. He snickered into the mic, tried to make a joke of the whole situation. I hated him. I hated that he got the laugh, and I didn’t.
After this, I was placed in handcuffs and taken to Comic-Con jail while the authorities figured out what to do with me. Curiously, Comic-Con jail is just the room behind Hall H, kind of where backstage is honestly. I saw famous people like Paul Rudd walk in and out as they made their appearances for something, I don’t know. Sidharth came and tried to plead with the Comic-Cops but it didn’t work. They didn’t know what Saavn was and so he had no credibility in their merciless eyes.
I guess I shouldn’t have smacked PJ. I could have worked his ass later, outside, away from the bright lights of the GOT hall. I could have given him the two-piece, put his ass to sleep. I should have done that. But something rages inside me, it seems. An eternal anger I can’t quite quell.
At that moment, a large cast of people walked by. One of them was Lupita Nyong’o. I recognized her because she’s insanely famous, and in person she’s even more of a straight smokeshow. I couldn’t control myself and got up to talk to her (the Comic-Cops had gone for a quick smoke break and left me in the Iron Man-themed handcuffs). But before I could say “Yo, my name is Noah” I was being pushed and ushered into a big line, right in front of Lupita.
I could hear a guy on stage introduce someone named Ryan, and then Ryan gave a long speech. Then he said, “Now let’s introduce the cast of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.”
Oh fuck! What was I supposed to do? But there was no time. Lupita seemed pissed, but there was no turning back now. She said, “Just go! GO!” I frantically scurried ahead, and walked onto the stage, waving my handcuffed hands at the crowd. I don’t really remember what happened next.
Sunday, July 24
Something cool: I’ve been accidentally cast as the next Black Panther, to replace Chadwick Boseman. The crowd had such a positive response to my appearance that this dude named Kevin had no choice. We start reshoots soon. They’re shooting the whole movie over again because they want to keep the November release date. I’m really just trying to respect Chadwick’s legacy, and do whatever I can as an ally (Marvel publicist guy told me that word is good to keep on hand). Hey, PJ—is being the new Black Panther non-white and non-heteronormative enough for you? LMFAO
Ritam’s Footnote
Damn. Keep posting entries into this continued universe and our damn newsletter gonna need its own comic-con!!! 😂
Sorry this one was late :(
For new subscribers, in case you made it all the way here: check these out.
lots of love for this man. i know him so much