Cabo 2K20
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February 15, 2020 (1 week before Cabo)
Spring Break is going to be so fucking lit this year. I literally can’t wait. Schmutz and PJ already put together the playlist, and we were bumping it for a bit in the backyard. It’s so sick. A ton of the good stuff, like some oldies (“Rich Girl” by Hall & Oates, “Hey Jude” by The Beatles) and also some newer shit (Cherub, Martin Garrix, Aminé). Galantis came out with a new song, so we’ll get that on there too. After class yesterday we got out on the elevated surfaces and were just like playing it out loud from the UE Boom. A few geeds saw us and like laughed, but fuck them. They’re just jealous. Then some Kappa girls walked by and saw us, they started dancing too. I wish they mixed with us.
I hope COVID-19, a highly infectious respiratory disease stemming from the novel coronavirus originating in Wuhan, doesn’t fuck things up for us. I read about it in the news the other day. Seems Chinese, not Mexican, so Cabo should be fine. Besides, I’ve been looking forward to spring break for months now. Fall break was fun and all, but like… all I want to do is party lol. Plus I heard Rachel Butler from AXO will be there. She got so hot over winter break somehow.
February 21, 2020 (1 day before flight!!!)
So fuckin’ hyped for tomorrow. In our Psych 216 lecture, Kyle and I didn’t even pay attention—we were just like sending each other memes and pics of girls’ instas and shit. Like these:
I’m laughing so hard just looking at these. So fun to just like fuck around in class and send each other shit like this. Our sense of humor is so good. I would post these in the chapter GroupMe, but not sure about how many favs I’d get.
Flight is out of DTW tomorrow, but like ass early. I think 8 am, so all of our Ubers are scheduled for 6:45. Some of the guys are going out tonight, but I feel like I’d rather get good sleep and be ready once the plane hits the ground, you know?
Called Mom and Dad today. Told them the journaling is going well, but I didn’t tell them I’ve been skipping the therapy sessions. They also were like, Noah, do you have hand sanitizer to bring? They’re worried about the novel coronavirus that has caused a complete lockdown of the city of Wuhan, sparking concerns of a forthcoming global pandemic from many infectious disease and public health experts. I told them it’s chill and I’ll be fine and that I packed condoms lmaooo. Dad thought it was funny.
February 24, 2020
Holy shit Cabo is unreal. Haven’t been journaling much cause I’ve been basically fucked up 24 hours a day since I got on the plane lol. Even on the flight, Joey, King and I ordered nips for days. Not a big Absolut guy but that’s all that United had I guess. Caitlin from DG was near me and she ordered some Bailey’s. I’ve never had it before but shit’s pretty tight. It’s like milk essentially. ← Note to self: REMEMBER FOR ST. PATTY’S DAY
Each day has been like a fucking movie. Can’t even describe. First night we were there, our PC got dinner brought to our hotel rooms (we each ordered individually), and then asked the bellboys to bring us to-go containers so we could take them down to the beach, then we all ate on the sand. Pat’s UE Boom wasn’t working so I played music off my phone in a Solo cup. I played my chill playlist, with stuff like Bazzi and Rex Orange County, and it seemed like they all approved. After that we played 3 hours of death cup in King’s room (has a balcony) with some girls from Chi O. They were all wearing bikinis :) Most of the guys were shirtless but I wore my CDG Play shirt, got a compliment from Lauren Hennessy. Got so fucked up. Was drinking Coronas, and Adam was taking pictures. I hope there’s something I could use for Insta next week. Caption ideas: “Coronas during Corona” “Corona’s my favorite type of virus” “Corona Virus”
The next morning was sick too. Everyone was at the pool by like 10:30, and even though we were all hungover, we raged so fucking hard. Made out with Caitlin from DG—not my best, but it’s the first day. We’re friends and we were drunk so it’s chill, I don’t think she wants to hook up or anything. Also the Indian guy in Chi Phi was doing cannonballs off the diving board and people were cheering him on. He would do like the “screw the lightbulbs” thing before he jumped off and it was so fucking funny. I don’t think we gave him a bid but now I wish we did.
It’s honestly so sick that we’re here I can’t even believe it. I knew when I decided to go to Michigan there would be moments like this: me, my PC, hot chicks, fucktons of alc, weed, and like, not caring about tomorrow. I never want these vibes to end; I wish this feeling could stretch into a vast forever, tipping over the sea’s boundless horizon and coming back up along the Earth’s sphere, creating an infinite, circular loop of pleasure and instant gratification, free from consequence or self-awareness, just one Rainbow Road circuit we can all traverse, blind to the ills of society from which we were born insulated, never once daring to peek over its cruel and despairing edge. And damn girls are so hot when they are not wearing clothes lol. I wish girls could walk around Ann Arbor in bikinis. It’s probably too cold for that but still. They are so hot.
Some wack shit happened with PJ today morning though. He’s usually one of my best buddies but this was fuckin’ weird. I woke up early to write in this journal before the rest of the guys woke up and I saw him on the balcony. I offered him some water but he was like, No dude that’s the dip spit cup everyone was using last night. Thought that was kind of gay for him to say that, but it seemed like he was going through something so I was like What’s up. Here, I’ll try to write out what I remember from this conversation. So weird.
Me: “Yea I know dawg. But I heard it’s just like the flu, so we don’t need to worry that much.”
PJ: “Feels like we’re hurtling toward a world-destabilizing event. And here we are, just decimating the local economy of Cabo San Lucas, and for what? A little bit of strange? And that’s not even mentioning the fact that many of us could already be carrying the virus, asymptomatic or not. I don’t think it’s out of line to assume that we’ve all made a grave error, and our actions could have devastating repercussions for the people who live here.”
At this point I was like wtf are you saying, just chill out and pack a bowl dude.
Me: “Bro, we’re in Mexico, not China. If anything, it’s like China’s fault.”
PJ: “You can’t just say that. I fear for the worst, and if the United States isn’t prepared for this, many, many socioeconomically disadvantaged people could fall ill, lose their livelihoods, even die.”
It went on like this for a couple more minutes but some of the guys are waking up so I have to stop journaling now.
February 26, 2020
Boat trip today was unreal. I wish I could put it into words for this journal, but they won’t do it justice. Picture this: our PC, AXO’s 2019 PC, this sick-ass Mexican dude driving the boat, and like 3 30 racks and 5 handles. I got DJ duty, so I played this new playlist I made off of my JBL Flip. It was a Soundcloud playlist I had downloaded for offline use, and it had like sick mashups (In Too Deep Kasum Remix, “Jordan Belfort” x “I Know There’s Gonna Be (Good Times)” mashup) and some Oliver Heldens edits too. AXO girls seemed to dig it, so I felt good from the jump. After I had a few pulls of Ciroc in my system I tried talking to Rachel Butler, and she seemed into it. We said we should hang out when we’re back in Ann Arbor, which I am 100% going to. Didn’t seem like she wanted to make out, so then I talked to this other girl Rebecca. She was more down so we hooked up for like 10 mins. But then all I wanted to do was vibe and be with the boys, honestly. So I did. At one point I pulled a classic move and started playing the National Anthem, and everyone got up and saluted, it was tight. Also, the guy driving the boat spoke some English and was taking pictures with us. I alternated between the crouched prayer hands pose and just a normal Point At 60 Degree Angle, but I think prayer hands might be better because I can hide my pecs. Driver guy just smiled, but seemed like he was having fun. His name is Oscar and I feel like he’ll become a character in our house once we go back. Like people will put his picture on the wall lol and call him a king and shit. What is the Mexican word for king
Fucked up thing is that what just happened almost ruined how sick the boat trip was. We were having a BP tournament on the beach with DG, and PJ was my partner. He was still a little fucked up from that morning I think. He missed so many shots that I had to keep pulling boys in for celebs. After we lost to two girls (Haley Goldgof and Caitlin), I turned to him and was like Bro, you suck. And then he brought up the novel coronavirus again (a variant of the SARS virus that has proven deadly for many elderly patients).
Then he shoved me in the chest. I got pissed cause he did it front of the girls. I think they saw but I don’t know, because what happened next happened fast.
I grabbed him by his shirt collar, yanking his face close to mine, so close that I could smell his breath—and making sure that he could smell mine, too. “Did you just fucking shove me, bitch? In front of chicks? In CABO?” I tossed him down to the ground. He scrambled to his feet, grasping around for a stabilizing force, but I jammed a bare foot into his chest and sent him tumbling down the hill. I shrugged off my CDG Play shirt (different color, this one is striped) and sprinted down the hill, intent on finishing what I’d started. I heard faint cries behind me, male and female, begging, pleading, wailing out for me to stop, but they failed to realize that PJ had sealed his fate. His pathetic body (doesn’t work out as much as I do, only does cardio lol) now lay in the sand, clearly fatigued.
“Dude, I’m just worried about the oncoming recession,” PJ cried out, weakly. “We’ll be without jobs or healthcare for months because of this. And that’s not even taking into account the undocumented essential workers who constitute the grossly underappreciated backbone of the American economy. I feel like I’m the only one grasping the economic realities of this, and I worry that we won’t be able to fathom the sheer scale of this crisis until we’re deep in its stranglehold!”
His oracle-like warnings fell on deaf ears—I was already digging his grave, my hands moving like they were possessed, my deltoids clearly burning but my mind paying no heed. I finished, a good 4-footer, and deftly hoisted him up by his waist. He was curiously resigned at this point, like he knew I had bested him, and that his fears over a massive, disruptive global pandemic were not going to fuck up the vibes I had so carefully curated. I dunked him in the hole and proceeded to methodically fill it back up with sand. Ten grueling minutes later, he was sufficiently caked.
Writing this now after everyone fell asleep or is passed out. Packing a lip right now but it doesn’t even feel good, no one else is doing it.
March 17, 2020
Wishing I could go back to Spring Break vibes. Pretty boring in my dad’s house. Obviously Calabasas is nice but like, I thought I’d be spending St. Patty’s Day at Conor O’Neill’s at 4 am. Supposed to move to my mom’s house in a bit, but only after 2 weeks, some shit about symptoms.
I’ve been doing Zoom calls with my pledge class. We mostly are playing games like “Icing” each other virtually and ranking the sororities by different categories (boobs, ass, GPAs, Instas). Been trying to work out but it sucks that the gyms are closed. My dad has dumbbells but I don’t like how cramped it is in the basement. Made a few playlists of like Benny Benassi and Sebastian Ingrosso stuff to listen on my dad’s Sonos Soundbar, but it isn’t as fun when I’m alone.
Thinking more about what PJ was saying before I dunked his Happy Meal ass in the sand. Feels like he was right—prescient, even—about certain things.
May 16, 2020
It’s been two months since I used this journal, but it’s funny to see my old self reflected in these withered pages.
Ramadan has been tough, but it is my first time. They say the convert’s first fast is the hardest—makes sense. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) suffered for years at the hands of the Kuffar; this is the least I could do.
I have also been finding the hadith of At-Tirmidhi more enlightening, on the whole, than Al-Bukhari’s. Please, Muslim Twitter, don’t come for me!
Rachel Butler DM’d me today on Instagram. She said, “Are you Muslim now? That’s so weird lol quar makes us do wild things I guess.”
I responded with, “I was always Muslim—I just didn’t know it.”
I scrolled through her photos for a bit, because she is still hot.
- Nabeel
Ritam’s Footnote
Jesus Christ — I don’t even know where to start with this one. I’ve been living with Nabeel for almost two years now, and he’s never revealed this particular brand of darkness that lurks within his soul. I don’t think I could ever write anything like this, mostly because I don’t understand a single thing about these people or their lives, nor do I really care to. This is some kind of fucked-up treatise on modern American upper class masculinity. I hate it but I laughed a lot.
This whole thing reminds me of a really embarrassing thing I did in college. My friends and I were going to a “Soviet” party at the Rugby House, and I was running late so they were all in there without me. I must have been 19, and I walked up to the giant rugby dude and put on what I definitely thought was a great Russian accent, which was obviously awful, and asked if “I could skip the line, comrade.” And he was obviously laughing at me and how dumb I looked but he let me in anyway, and I thought he was laughing at how good my joke was. And then I sort of kept talking like that all night. God. Mortifying.
Cabo 2K20
Forever a classic Rachel Butler lmao