Chip? Fab!
Ha ha ha.
A few years ago, I published this:
This is what you think it is. I just ranked the salt and vinegar kettle chips in my life. But now I have a problem: I tried these, and they’re incredibly delicious:
So I need to update the rankings to include them. There’s just one issue:
No one has invented a viable form of time travel yet.
So I can’t go back and change what was. But that has me thinking: what else would I do if I could go back in time?
I would shoot Trump’s other ear so that he could wear these earrings.
I would tell Tolstoy to change his name to Tolstoy 3.
When Woody and Buzz in the garbage incinerator and they accept death… nah I’m a 37-year-olded bearded manly man nerdy Redditor and that had even me chopping onions!!!!
I would kill Adolf Hitler, and also Winston Churchill!
#equalopportunityoffender
I would bring fire to humans.
Tryna get my liver pecked this summer iykwim
I would buy Sears Roebuck stock.
#longsears #castiron
I would tell Jesus that it’s fine, and even good, to be gay.
I saw a “Gay is OK” sign during pride month this year. Feels a bit muted, no?
I’d bring 2004 DNC Obama to the 1968 Democratic convention.
Calm everyone down a bit. Chill the atmosphere out.
I’d invent time travel!
Someone’s gotta do it, self-evidently. Why not lil ol me?
Nabeel’s Footnote
I would go back in time to write and produce the most beautiful song anyone has ever heard, and bring tears to generations of eyes,