Chip? Fab!

Ha ha ha.

A few years ago, I published this:

Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips Ranking

This is what you think it is. I just ranked the salt and vinegar kettle chips in my life. But now I have a problem: I tried these, and they’re incredibly delicious:

So I need to update the rankings to include them. There’s just one issue:

No one has invented a viable form of time travel yet.

So I can’t go back and change what was. But that has me thinking: what else would I do if I could go back in time?

I would shoot Trump’s other ear so that he could wear these earrings.

Lowk would be rizzed up if he wore “fuck trump” merch

I would tell Tolstoy to change his name to Tolstoy 3.

When Woody and Buzz in the garbage incinerator and they accept death… nah I’m a 37-year-olded bearded manly man nerdy Redditor and that had even me chopping onions!!!!

I would kill Adolf Hitler, and also Winston Churchill!

#equalopportunityoffender

I would bring fire to humans.

Tryna get my liver pecked this summer iykwim

I would buy Sears Roebuck stock.

#longsears #castiron

I would tell Jesus that it’s fine, and even good, to be gay.

I saw a “Gay is OK” sign during pride month this year. Feels a bit muted, no?

I’d bring 2004 DNC Obama to the 1968 Democratic convention.

Calm everyone down a bit. Chill the atmosphere out.

I’d invent time travel!

Someone’s gotta do it, self-evidently. Why not lil ol me?

Nabeel’s Footnote

I would go back in time to write and produce the most beautiful song anyone has ever heard, and bring tears to generations of eyes,