Victory Lap

We are giving back once more

I am surely not one to gloat, but let me just get my shit OFF for a moment:

The NFL is finally catching up to Low Lift Ask’s remarkable trend forecasting and general ability to keep our fat, stubby fingers firmly on the damn pulse. In other news…THE SKY IS BLUE😤😤😤😤!!!!!!!!!!

I have long said that the one thing the NFL has been desperately in need of is a Chief Kindness Officer, and it’s been five years since we located Dhar Mann as the future of culture. In the interim, the GOAT has been steadily delivering the goods at a nice clip.

Fuck that fucking teacher!!!! FUck u!

Tfw girls can’t speak but they “destory” their own homes…It’s sad, honestly.

Damn, he made one about Ritam!

This victory lap has me thinking: which other current creators can I lay claim to—and, in effect, own as a cultural product by way of claiming their successes as something I predicted and should be applauded for—to set them on the right path to dominion?

Who else wants to be blessed by the Golden Hand of Low Lift Ask?

It seems we have a skill here, for identifying the worst, most culturally poisonous people on the planet and then doing nothing but pointing it out a few years ahead of time. That’s monetizable. That’s bank, baby. Our fingers are easily transferrable from the pulse to the scale. So check out these guys if you get a chance:

Other Indian lifestyle content creators

A big part of this concrete act of largesse is to identify the vanguard of Indian guys online. These are the guys who are pushing boundaries, setting new standards, beckoning us to follow on their bold new paths. What those boundaries, standards, and paths are? I will not say. I will not make a value judgment. I will leave that up to the reader. I’m just saying. I’m literally just pointing them out. I’m keeping my mouth shut.

James Ellroy

I predict an Ellroy-assaince. Not for any particular reason—I like a few of his books a lot—but mostly because he has one the craziest White Boy Wikipedias of all time.

Need to start moving like this fr!

Girl on my flight who was doing this

The other day, on my flight from Chicago to Syracuse, I sat next to a girl who had the flight tracker on the screen + FlightAware open on her iPad. Respect. I would not be surprised should she go on to achieve massive success and amass a fortune.

That one Lil Bald Homie who moves in silence

This is my man from J. Crew at Stanford Shopping Center. On first sight, I could see the vision—we linked and built for hours. Don’t know what he’s got up his sleeve next, but I would bet the house on Tha Lil Bald Homie. Tha Lil Bald Homie is top 2—and he ain’t number 2…

Big Water Jet

Last week, I was in Geneva for roughly 24 hours. I then was put through hell—just one more chapter in the long novel of Nabeel’s International Travel Disasters. I didn’t really have anything funny to say about those this week. Instead, let’s focus on this big-ass jet of water.

No one knows why they have this in Geneva (I didn’t really look it up). It seems like the Genevois collectively agreed it was hella cool to have a massive, high-pressured jet of water for no reason spraying everyone within 50 feet. I agree. Imagine the use cases: a tool to put out the world’s most raging, vicious fires…a bidet for the world’s largest man…a showerhead for the world’s largest man…an prostate stimulant (going off the bidet thing) for a slightly less large man, maybe a normal-sized man, just imagine how it would feel…😳

Keep a close eye on Big Water Jet.

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At the end of the day, all of these creators are subject to the capricious whims of the market. We cannot predict where things will go. All we can do is tap them on the shoulder, give them an approving look, and set them forth on their journeys. With the Low Lift Ask bump, anything should be possible. One must simply walk straight in the direction we tell you to, past the flotsam and jetsam of creators past. “Flotsam and jetsam.” That’s a nice one. I like those. “Flotsam and jetsam.” “Warp and weft.” “Hem and haw.” Any other ones? Sound off in the comments.

Ritam’s Footnote

(guy dying in a ditch with no one who loves him voice) Well, I knew about this thing that I actually hate first, so