Whoa. I’ve been unleashed. No one is stopping me from just publishing. I can say anything I want without Nabeel’s status-seeking ass sending me the Michael Scott cringe gif.
Here are the top ten topics Nabeel forbade me from discussing while the newsletter is under his purview.
1. Wood (Mossflower)
There are a million Substack posters out there posting some variation on “In this moment, I have intentionally set my path towards a slow life, in the vein of Beatrix Potter or various other examples.”
And yet I’m not allowed to discuss various opinions on locations in Mossflower Wood, because we have to stay cool for our subscribers. But now that I’m free: riddle me this. Who built the farmhouse in Mossflower? Why is it human-sized?
2. Wood (Hundred Acre)
3. Wood (Mirk)
4. Wood (Birnam)
You get the idea. These are the woods I know.
5. Earnest Treatise on Modern Masculinity
Have so many thoughts here. Real, tangible thoughts, on the role of men as related to modern sexual culture. But Nabeel stops me from saying any of it, pointing out the preponderance of pieces that engage with it already.
“We have to keep our newsletter bracingly original, refreshing, and relevant. Otherwise we risk going the way of the dodo, or even the humble dinosaur.”
-Nabeel
6. Emotional Revelations and Truths About My Life
I’m always wanting to blog in a real way; to write about my life: struggles, pain, joys, breakups, love, food, routines, entrepreneurship, wisdom, therapy, learning, reading, details, film, books, small pleasure, musings, catharses, epiphanies. And every time I tell him: “Hey, what if this week I wrote an honest reckoning with how it felt to grow up as a fat swagless Indianx suburban AP kid with L Rizz???” And every week he says “hey man, I think people from my MFA program subscribe to this newsletter. I want them to think of me as someone who could one day be a respected novelist and short story writer, and I’m serious about my craft.”
7. Thoughts on the Other Races
We write a lot about South Asian stuff on here. But I’ve actually thought a lot about “average behavior” of other races. Nabeel won’t let me publish it…
8. Thoughts on a New Race
I found a new one burrowed deep into the Earth. Science isn’t ready for it.
9. Wood (Oliver)
Not allowed by Nabeel to go this deep cut and reveal my depth of knowledge of this world. Hate her TERF ass now, of course.
10. My Love of Turkish Airlines
Türkiye had my heart from the very moment I discovered their sponsorship of my favorite NYC mayor… N*beel is hitting me with the “personal vendetta” censorship.
And now for our friend Jesse’s thoughts on this fraught endeavor…
Jesse’s Footnote
*bedhead peaking out from a blue striped nightcap, I’m dressed in a long nightgown and am holding a very heavy iron chamberstick, voice still phlegmy from sleep* wait..nabeel’s turkish? I thought he was from palo santo?
This is wondrous.
Does anyone have access to private firefighters to protect our home in Pacific Palisades? Need to act fast here. All neighbours houses burning. Will pay any amount. Thank you.