TF Are These Tiny Ass Bugs Everywhere????

Buh???

Yesterday, I strapped on my helmet and took my lazy ass out for a splash of biking in the metropolitan haven that is Brooklyn, New York.

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It was upon this fateful ride that I inadvertently consumed a full meal’s worth of bugs, breaking a 21-year long streak of vegetarianism and imbuing with me enough protein to turn me into a veritable Adonis.

me

The bugs also splattered upon my eyeballs, and I’m assuming gave me the power of their sight (Spiderman Logic), so I see the world a bit differently now.

me eyesight

After finishing up my ride and ridding myself of the insectoid menace that had taken up residence on every damn square inch of my shirt, I decided to do a bit of research.

Apparently, the little bugs that have thickened the smoky air of New York this week are Soybean Aphids:

My research taught me that these guys are bone-chilling in their ruthless efficacy. Here, check some of this out.

Colonization of buckthorn by soybean aphids in the spring can lead to curling of leaves and twigs.

Nooooooo!!!!!! Not the buckthorn leaves and twigs!! They can’t be curly 😭

Near the blooming stage of buckthorn, fundatrices reproduce parthenogenetically to give viviparous birth to alatae.

You’re fucking kidding me. The fundatrices reproduce parthenogenetically? Ugh, how I wish they’d reproduce through apomixis instead. And don’t even get me started that the fundatrices are giving viviparous birth to alatae 😠🤬. Alatae deserve oviparous birth!!!!

Yooo… these guys are straight up evil. Someone get some foliar pyrethroid insectides into Brooklyn, stat!!

Nabeel’s Footnote

Lot of ‘-ae’ words today. Don’t like that. Just a thought.