Saturday Edition

Breaking new ground

The heavy, wet snow of Saturday lines the Substack floor like a thick carpet, muffling the sound of the frantic activity below—newsletters scurrying every which way, following furrowed paths in search of the nuts and seeds of subscriber dollars, so carefully tucked into caches and hidey-holes in previous months. Low Lift Ask, which has thus far stuck to the safe and predictable zone of Friday, but is yearning for the nourishment of a “new idea,” sticks its tiny little pink nose out to test the air.

Wow, thinks Low Lift Ask, the world is special today. People are free of their 4HL jobs, and weekend Notes App activity has a feral, unhinged quality that could really give us a boost. Maybe a switch to Saturday is what we need to revitalize our staid, tired newsletter written by two irrelevant Indians. After all, Substack is newly a path to cultural relevance and glory, as evidenced by such prolific and advanced bloggers as “The Cultural Master” and “The Spirital Freedom Guide to Happiness.” Maybe we can squeeze a bit of juice out of this stone and finally get that most entry level of culture jobs: showrunner at a really cool HBO show. So yeah, Low Lift Ask needs to be publishing on Saturday. It’s time for this newsletter to dart out of its hole and into the open. As Low Lift Ask gingerly steps out, snow crunching softly beneath its tiny feet, the world seems newly peaceful and serene.

Oh shit. What’s that? Did you see that?

Nah, probably nothing.

Wait, there it is again.

Hmm… well, Low Lift Ask doesn’t like weird shapes in the sky, but the world is looking so inviting on this beautiful Saturday.

Ok, this is pretty lit. This is pretty awesome.

Oh shit. What’s that? Did anyone see that?

Eh. Probably noth-

Nabeel’s Footnote

Animal stuff. I’m out