Quick note before the article: I just wanted to take a second to apologize for my controversial tweet from last week. I deserved to be lambasted by society, and I deserve to have become a pariah. I deserved getting pilloried, and I deserved being ostracized. I deserve all the denouncements, and, frankly, my thorough excoriating? That was deserved.
I am so sorry, and I promise I will do better.
Starting now. How? Here’s my step-by-step plan.
Step 1: Listen. Learn. Listen and learn. Watch, wait, listen, and learn. And by listening, I’ll be able to learn. I plan on doing a lot of listening in the coming months? How? Well, I’ll be purchasing a pair of Bose™ 700 Noise Canceling Headphones (The Wirecutter Pick, of course) and listening to this playlist on repeat at full volume. Until I think that I’ve listened enough.
Step 2: I need to step back. I need to step back. I need to step backwards. I need to walk backwards. I’ll be wearing this costume for the next few months as I attempt to heal and move forward from my horrific and controversial tweet. I think something about this, might just give me a “new perspective.”
Step 3: I have to acknowledge my past wrongdoings. I have to act knowledge the harm that I’ve done. I have to act knowledge. I have to act knowledgeable. I have to act like I’m knowledgeable about my past wrongdoings. I have to act like I’m ashamed, and squirrel away my real feelings of resentment and disdain into the smallest crevice of my consciousness. I have to act like I don’t only care about myself. I have to act like I care. I have to act knowledge.
Step 4: Jeez, four? Four of these things? Welp! Guess I’m in line for CROW at the HUMBLE PIE cafeteria, huh? Hard derp on this one, huh guys? Eating my own damn FOOT at the damn EGG ON MY FACE canteen huh?
Step 5: I have to think about how what I’ve done plays into a long and problematic history of wrongdoing by South Asian men.
Thanks for giving my apology a read. It’s been a healing journey for all of us. Now, here’s my thoughts on /r/WallStreetBets, $GME, and the New Dot Com Bubble.
This shit is all fucking stupid, right? I feel dumber for having learned about it.
Boys Group Texts across the country have been going apeshit this week. Unprecedented volume. In fact, if you were going to invest in anything right now, I would take every single remaining cent out of your 401k, your IRA, what have you, and put that shit in Group Texts With The Boys From Back Home Where They Let You Know When Dave Is Going Live ($IMSG).