Ötzi Sympathizer

A Guest Post From Ötzi the Iceman

This week’s post is guest written by Ötzi the Iceman, a caveman that was found buried in the ice in Germany.

Ötzi, flossing.

Hello! Me have much say to modern human. Society quite different from when me around and in me heyday. Me halcyon days behind me, but me still have opinions on state of modern world!

First off—me think there too many pronouns these days. For example, “I.” Why say “I” when “me” do trick?

Thank. Thank. Oh—and also, me think there too many letters in LGBTQIA! When me young… there no letters at all.

No, but seriously. Me worried about general society. Students in college campus not learning anything of REAL VALUE these days. They too busy taking classes in “agriculture” “irrigation” “record-keeping.” What happen knowing your roots… and berries?

Thank. Thank. You good audience tonight. Speaking of good, what happen to modern women these days? They tattooed baddie, eat hot chip and lie. When I young, women had no face and were collection of blob made of stone. What happen good old fashion blob?

Nah but you know who could get it? Lucy.

Lucy so bad when me done with her she bout be several hundred pieces of bone. Me want experience Lucy’s Great Rift Valley. Me want Lucy to Dink on my Inesh till I Amharic. Me saying “Addis Ababa” (location of Lucy skeleton) like “humana humana humana” over and over. Me crazy for this chick! What can me say? Me in love!

But me just humble iceman and she international celeb. It never work. Much like “Notting Hill” scenario. Run through caveman filter, and me come up with the idea of “Knotting Reeds” (to make basket). So maybe this “Knotting Reeds” scenario.

Nabeel’s Footnote

I’m in Burlington, Vermont. I don’t need to be reading all this