More Stupiding of the American Mind

NY magazine recently did a big package 😏😏😏😏

NY Magazine recently did a big package titled The Stupiding of the American Mind.

[Me proving their point] Not me feeling personally attacked!!!!!!! Not me feeling like they’re COMING FOR ME 😂😂 ! OK, clock my tea with this READ !!!!!!!!!!!

Plenty of reasons that the average American (not me) is dumb as hell these days. I witness it every day. I think the hardest thing is knowing that the things that have poisoned everyone else’s minds—vertical scroll, AI slop, streaming TV, digital advertising—have actually had no discernible effect on me whatsoever. My language is as robust as ever; I don’t fall prey to ephemeral trends and lingo that dies on the vine. I’ve been able to retain all of my mental capacity and intellectual stamina, fortified against the buffeting winds of cultural forces that seek to claim my attention at any cost.

The same can’t be said for Ritam.

I wish NY Mag had solicited contributions, because—ohhh mama—Ritam pissed me tf off this week. He said maybe the stupidest thing an American Mind has said. Something that, once again, made me question my participation in this whole enterprise.

Bro first hits us with a classic brain teaser—what could these acronyms mean?

I—using my vigorous American mind, unstupided—easily decipher most of it: bro had Brothy Beans with a Jammy Egg. The final piece of the puzzle, however, eluded us.

This is where things took a turn.

I’m sorry…Bro thought he ate? Bro thought he ATE, COOKED, and SERVED…a jammy egg with crispy lacy edges?!!

Bro thought a Jammy Egg could have Crispy Lacy Edges.

If only I wasn’t so pissed, I would have been able to laugh. It’s almost like…what else does Bro think? If Bro thinks a Jammy Egg could have Crispy Lacy Edges, then what else does Bro think is possible?

Bro probably thinks that when dredging a protein to deep fry that you don’t need a Wet Hand and a Dry Hand 😂

Bro definitely thinks a Sharp Knife is more dangerous than a Dull One…..😂

Does Bro also think Starchy Pasta Water (AKA Liquid Gold) can be drained out in the colander?? 😂

Bro probably forgets to scrape up the Fond on the bottom of the pot even though That’s Where All The Flavor is!!

Does Bro think oatmeal has to be sweet? Has Bro not caught onto the delights of Savory Oats With Chili Crisp???😂

I bet Bro still thinks MSG is bad cause it’s Chinese and gives him headaches (he actually said this verbatim once)

Bro is straight up Stupid if he thinks these things.

Is Bro also convinced that Olivia Nuzzi’s unedited prose is awful, yet Ryan Lizza’s goes down easy? Does Bro really think that? I bet Bro does.

Bro probably confuses Dean Kissick and Kyle Chayka 😂 two cultural observers who are both half-Asian 😂😂😂😂

Bro probably thinks you can use “constituted” and “comprised” interchangeably and without necessary prepositions!!!!!

Bro think Anchovy fishy and not inherent Enhancer of Meaty Umami qualities when cooked down into a sauce😂😂😂😂

Bro probably thinks Gone Girl is a misogynistic, nihilistic piece of pop art with merit instead of one of Fincher’s signature achievements as well as the Key Text of the 21st Century with regards to relationships, media performance, and the inherent fallibility of human connection 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Bro is DUMB AF!!!!!

BRO THINK AI TRANSFORMATIVE FOR GLOBAL WORKPLACE AND FREE UP HUMANS TO TRADE ON TASTE AND JUDGMENT RATHER THAN CORE KNOWLEDGE AND COMPETENCY!!!!!! 😂

BRO PROBABLY THINKS FICTION IS WORTH SAVING AND THAT IT STILL MATTERS IN A POST-LITERATE SOCIETY 😂

AHHHHH!!!

BRO 😂 AND BRO PROBABLY THOUGHT MALCOLM GLADWELL WAS WHITE 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

LMAOOOO

AND DON’T FORGET BRO THOUGHT A JAMMY EGG COULD HAVE CRISPY LACY EDGE!!!!!😂😂 I SO MUCH SMARTER!!!!!!!!

Ritam’s Footnote

I guess I was under the impression that a jammy egg could be sunny side up, and that cooking the yolk to a jammy like texture sort of counted. I’ll take my licks. Anything for subscribers and attention, I guess.