Mamdani's Policies Are Ambitious. But Will They Work?

Expert Analysis from Low Lift Ask

Zohran Mamdani—he’s the name at the tip of everyone’s d*cks these days. Even we, here, at Low Lift Ask, have given Mr. Mamdani our full throated endorsement, as fellow funny ahh smiling ahh brown-assed men. But after digging deeper into some of his policies, some questions have arisen. Can he really deliver on what he promised? And is what he promised actually good for New York?

Making Buses Fast and Free

bus seeing another, hotter, bus, and going awoogah mode—which buses actually do (make awoogah sound) but you know that this is the other awoogah mode from context

This is a cornerstone of the Mamdani platform. It’s a well known fact that New York City’s buses are slow, and very expensive. But in the face of a looming MTA budget crisis, is making them free really the best option?

Low Lift Ask says: Maybe!

Yep, it could work. Might not! But it could work!

Freezing the Rent

Reddit YIMBYs everywhere (by Celeste Ng 🤣) are bemoaning this proposed policy, making a case that market-rate housing is necessary to incentivize developers to build build build. Tenant advocates are arguing that a rent freeze is necessary relief for burdened renters citywide. The debate is heated, and we have a lot to add.

Low Lift Ask says: Jury’s Out!

Jury left for lunch. Jury grabbed a slopbowl from Chipotle or Just Salad and hit L’Appartment 4F for one of their 2pm cookies. (They’re at the Brooklyn Courthouse at Borough Hall! It’s right there!) Jury chatted about their kids. Jury don’t know!

Having the middle name Kwame

We’ve talked about this before. But I just wanted to add one of my thoughts that I’ve been harping on for a while:

Low Lift Ask says: If Obama and Zohran switched middle names, basically, that would also make sense… like nothing would change, really.

Thoughts?

City-Run Grocery Stores

Low Lift Ask says: We need city-run shoppie shops

Yuuppp. I’m talking: Department of Fishwife. Bureau of Fly by Jing Affairs. Mayor’s Office of Nettle Hill Creamery Kunik. Department of Diaspora Co. The Rustic Bakery Initiative. Special Envoy for Momofuku Seasoned Soy. And of course—a Special Commission on the ongoing conflict in Graza.

Universal Daycare

Low Lift Ask says: Some of y’all lowkey need to put your BOYFRIENDS in this 🤣

Nabeel’s Footnote

Here’s one you forgot about: My Dawg says he’s going to arrest Netanyahu if he sets foot in the city.

Low Lift Ask says: Can I be the one to do it? Can I put the cuffs on him? Pleaseeeeeeee? Can I perpwalk him down Norman Ave in Greenpoint—show him all the beautiful Japanese micro-groceries he’ll never be able to sample as he rots in The Hague? Even the make-your-own dashi store? Can I Zohran???????