LLA-1s Now Available

Shoe Drop!

Before I begin—it’s come to my attention that a competing Substack has tried to scoop us by getting to market first with their own shoes. That’s cool, that’s cool. Plenty of room for two kings on this throne haha.

We’ve held off on doing any kind of merch drop for a while, knowing that you guys would probably go rabid for this shit and then overexpose us, making us publicly lose the “it factor” that’s kept Low Lift Ask inscrutable and mysterious for four and a half years now. But that ends today, with the introduction of our swaggy and kindvibed new shoes: The LLA-1 Ratty, Tattered, Threadbare Canvas Scraps.

So what do you need to know about these new jawns?

They’re Ratty

No, not rat-like. We mean shabby. These shoes are in shambles, barely holding it together. They’re just like me, when I’m adulting. Does anyone else feel like this—that adulting is hard, and they didn’t teach you how to do taxes before teaching you L’Hôpital’s rule? By the way—L’Hôpital’s don’t rule. They’re actually a place where you go when you get L’Sick from being out in L’Rain (I am instantly shot and my body is thrown into a ditch. I decompose and fungi eat my brain. And then those fungi are foraged, seared, and served in a fine dining establishment. And the name of the dish in the avant-garde haute eatery is related to the fact in my brain that the fungus absorbed. So like—maybe the one you eat is named “The capital of Timor-Leste is Dili.” And in this way I live on).

They’re Tattered

Wow, are these things tattered. Tattered beyond belief, toes completely uncovered, rips and tears abounding. Looks like a dog got into these things or something. Just ripped them apart with their powerful jaws.

They’re Threadbare

And yeah, the fabric that is on them? Well, it’s worn down so much as to barely be considered fabric at all. Good luck, my friends!

They’re Canvas

Beautiful paintings. Tent walls. Stuff you wax. Bed rolls. What do they have in common? Yes, canvas. Canvas is on the periodic table with an atomic number of 54, and it’s one of the most versatile elements we have.

They’re Scraps

Yuuup. You heard us right. The LLA-1 shoes are actually not really shoes—more just hinting at the idea of shoes, the remnants of something once charitably given the name “shoe.”

Wow, How Can I Buy Them?

I thought you’d never ask, Heading 3! They’re available at our online store here.

Wait, But How Much Do They Cost?

Free!

What? How Are You Making Money?

Substack—I went to an event a couple weeks ago, and it turns out people are making bank on this thing after starting their newsletters like, last month. Thought I’d try to get in on some of this.

They Ask Subscribers For Money

Huh. Okay. I don’t think we can do this, due to the low quality and shoddiness of our newsletter.

Right—it’s like those shoes are sort of indicative of the general vibe of the whole project

What the hell?

Nabeel’s Footnote

You can also order these shoes The Ocky Way!