Listening to Music Lowkey Hits

An earnest paean to the emotional power of music

I always have a song going in my head. Often, it’s a Jumanji-esque drumbeat, but these days its more likely to be a tune, a line, a verse, a cadence. Music has always been deeply embedded into the fabric of my life, just like everyone else, I guess, but I’m ashamed to say that in recent years, I abandoned the thinking bits of it, gave myself over to the algorithm, ditched the ability to feel and empathize alongside the songs, and closed myself off to its power.

In an effort to be deeply unrelatable to all normal people with normal emotions, I spent the past five or so years of my life in a “music is fine but I don’t pay that much attention to it” era—music was the background noise, something that helped give me energy or provide a sensory input that focused me to think about other things that felt more important. The songs I loved the most were beautiful, but very musically “clever” bits of music that fucked heavy with the expectations of the listener.

I wasn’t interested in the exploration of the self; I was just paying attention to the little hit of a well-produced musically complex surprise. And I still think that shit is incredibly interesting and fun, don’t get me wrong, but I’ll be the first to admit that’s it’s something that doesn’t really transport me outside of myself. It’s more of a tool that gave my normal thoughts a bit of a boost. It was a safe, pleasurable environment that didn’t challenge the way I thought or felt about anything, ever. I always used music as an “upper” to add the right vibe to a moment of my life, so that things would feel more pleasurable, more enjoyable, more cinematic. I wanted everything to happen in sync with my present experiences so I could continually experience intense frisson and love of the moment.

And that was great when 90% of my normal thoughts were centered around the logistics of getting a birthday gift (book that I haven’t read and that they won’t read) for a friend, then getting dinner, then going to the birthday party without having to go home and change. Which Citibike dock should I use? Will the G train be running after 8 on a Saturday?

But in recent months, for personal reasons, I have retreated inwards, and my brain has been continually and unceasingly racked by ambiguous signals, confusing switchbacks, and ruminations on love and loss. For so many years, I felt comfortable being my own driver, but now I want someone else to drive my thoughts so that I can find clarity through feeling and acceptance through vacating my own experiences.

Wow, you’re thinking, this dude is really writing about the power of listening to music when you’re sad like he invented it, you’re thinking. I’ve been doing this my whole life, just like everyone else—these feelings are completely nothing sauce to me, and are so baseline that it’s genuinely embarrassing that this guy is discovering them now. He must be really struggling to come up with ideas because he’s been writing this shit every two weeks for the last four years. I can’t believe I subscribed to this Substack—I’m a mid-level successful tech Indian product manager in healthcare that lives in the bay and I subscribe to Substacks about, like, finding your capitalist purpose through intentionality and third spaces that are so much more eloquent and precise than this drivel. Stick to the fucking jokes, man.

I bet you’re thinking that. But I actually think the epidemic of people who listen to music in the less-engaged and super-comfortable algorithm mode way is pretty widespread, and I would wager that some of the people that subscribe to this newsletter fall in that demo and don’t hear this message very often (I didn’t, or I didn’t listen when I did). If you find yourself relating to that way of being and wondering what happened, I encourage you to try to leave yourself for a while and give yourself over to an album and have an emotional experience with it, because it makes you feel so deeply alive and helps you appreciate every single second of effort and time people put into making this art. Here’s some music that I’ve been listening to lately, both super popular and not, just in case you were interested. Thank you to all the people that recommended these songs, artists, albums to me. I think of you every time I listen to them.

(shoutout to friend of the stack jesse aaronson for the above two)

Drop some recs in the comments if you want, whatever. Just trying to shake it up a bit around here. Can’t do another Classic Ritam Newsletter—I just didn’t have it in me this week. I’ll be back in two weeks with some little fake Brothers Grimm story or whatever the normal thing I do is.

Awesome Cartoon I Found Earlier And Didn’t Know How to Include In Context

Nabeel’s Footnote

Look at this guy, man—always pushing the boundaries of this newsletter. Didn’t know the Spotify embedded links would look so nice.