Dispatches From the Heartland

You Have Received A Telegram

I WRITE TO YOU NOW FROM THE BEAUTIFUL RUST BELT TOWN OF PITTSBURG PA -(STOP)- A JEWEL OF AMERICAS INDUSTRIAL HEARTLAND -(STOP)- PARIS ON THE ALLEGHENY -(STOP)- ROME ON THE MONONGAHELA -(STOP)- LONDON ON THE OHIO -(STOP)- I HAVE DICTATED THIS TELEGRAM TO THE LOCAL TELEPHONE OPERATOR IN THE HOPES THAT IT REACHES YOU IN AN EFFICIENT AND TIMELY MANNER AS I AM IN GREAT NEED OF ASSISTANCE -(STOP)- MY HOPE IS THAT YOU WILL RECEIVE A KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR AND AN APPLE CHEEKED YOUNG MAN WILL BE STANDING THERE IN THE CRISP FALL AIR HAT SLIGHTLY ASKEW FROM THE SPEED AT WHICH HE IS ATTEMPTING TO DELIVER THIS MOST URGENT MESSAGE -(STOP)- THE CONTENTS OF WHICH IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE TO THE SAFETY HEALTH AND WELL BEING OF OUR FLEDGLING NATION -(STOP)- A NATION WHICH HAS OVERCOME TRIAL AFTER TRIBULATION AFTER SETBACK AFTER DIFFICULTY -(STOP)- WHY REMEMBER JUST YAE MANY YEARS HENCE WHEN THEN PRESIDENT LINCOLN ATTEMPTED TO REUNIFY THE COUNTRY IN THE FACE OF DIVISION -(STOP)- HA HA THAT WAS A TOUGHIE HONESTLY -(STOP)- THEY KEPT ASKING ME TO FIGHT AND I WAS LIKE WHAT I LIVE IN NEW YORK -(STOP)- HA HA -(STOP)- AND I WAS LIKE OKAY IF THEY WANT TO LEAVE LET THEM -(STOP)- HA HA -(STOP)- BUT THEN THEY WERE DOING BAD SHIT THERE SO EVENTUALLY I WAS LIKE OKAY I GUESS I'LL FIGHT   -(STOP)- BUT I BECAME SORT OF THE RESIDENT BARD OR WORDSMITH IN MY BATTALION AND NEVER SAW TRUE CONFLICT -(STOP)- DUE TO MY SLIPPERY ABILITY TO MAKE ALMOST ANY SITUATION SERVE MY NEEDS WITHOUT ANYONE REALIZING -(STOP)- ANYWAY IVE NOW FOUND MYSELF IN THE UNENVIABLE POSITION OF ASKING FOR YOUR HELP -(STOP)- IT SEEMS AS IF THE GOOD CITIZENS OF THIS CITY HAVE SUFFERED A THEFT OF THEIR DIGNITY AND IDENTITY -(STOP)- YES I SPEAK OF THE "H" THAT NORMALLY SITS AT THE END OF THE NAME OF THIS FAIR CITY. -(STOP)- IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE STOLEN IT -(STOP)- I KNOW ITS A BIG ACCUSATION AND I DONT MAKE IT LIGHTLY -(STOP)- BUT I SIMPLY THINK THAT YOU AND THE OTHER RESIDENTS OF LOS ANGELESH ARE TO BLAME -(STOP)- BRING BACK THE H OR I WILL VISIT A DROUGHT ON YOUR CITY THAT WILL LAST FOR THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS -(STOP)- 

Nabeel’s Footnote

I love how much we fuck with form and genre here…no one else is doing it like us..