Days of Abandonment

A simple ask

I am a simple man. Humble. Uncomplicated. I need not, I want not. This has been the philosophy that has animated mine days and nights since T.I. (time immemorial).

So it pains me to bring this to you, kind reader. It hurts me to have to accuse you of misanthropic intent. But I cannot find another reason, another justification, for your behavior towards me this week. I pray, yearn, hope, that this is an expression of your hatred for all of humanity, all of truth and justice, everything peaceful and kind in this world. Because what other explanation could there be for your crime?

The facts are these.

Fact 1: Substack is an online platform through which we publish this newsletter.

Pretty straightforward fact. Not much to expound upon here. Substack. Platform. Publish. Newsletter. (steve jobs voice) A Substack. A Platform. A Newsletter. A Substack. A Platform. A Newsletter. Are you getting it?

Fact 2: Substack has a feature called “Notes” through which you can write something that looks and feels like a Tweet.

This is a relatively new addition, a few years old. It’s sort of a Twitter-esque feed, but for people sans les cells de brain (play on salle de bain). Lots of people post on it, and lots of posts go viral on it every day. In fact, when some of mine very friends post on it, I will even click the “like” button to express camaraderie and support. This is a common social practice that I’ve noted. Sort of a you help me, I help you type phenomenon. I being the friend invested in the success of the other friend, and I being a friend with a generous loving heart.

clicking “like” on a post by Harry Krinsky, Randa Sakallah, Elissa Suh, etc.

Fact 3: The Barbary Corsairs were pirates operating out of North Africa from the 16th through 18th centuries

Hey, that’s a pretty long time! They were ruthless pirates waging an interesting type of holy war (Islam v. Christianity #muslimboyjoy)! They raided all the way from Italy to Iceland[4][5] and they were widely regarded as the scourge of many a coastal village in Europe. So it’s something that’s okay to reference. Like, you should all know about it.

Fact 4: Why did none of you like my awesome joke?

Barber-y Coarse Hair. Are we getting it? And it just works on the one level, not two. Just the one! It’s a subversion of the normal type of joke that works on two levels. It’s a new type of joke called Not Two-ah.

The lack of likes on this has led to a lack of internal security in my body. I’m shaking, screaming, triggered, and hiding in a bush like a coward. I’m digging a hole and joining the other worms in the dirt, eating dirt like the girl in 100 years of solitude, and eventually becoming dirt itself. Is that what you wanted?

Well, whatever. Just needed something to write about this week. (regaining high status) Imagine caring about something like this at all. Gonna go live my amazing offline life now. (I die instantly).

Nabeel’s Footnote

I have yet to post my first note……. when I do it will be earth-shattering……..