Crap. We Missed Vigilance Awareness Week.

Low Lift Ask Reckons with its failure

Shit. We missed vigilance awareness week. Ahhh shit. I am so sorry to all of our loyal and faithful readers, sitting at our feet as a happy, compliant, brainless dog might sit curled up at a cruel master’s while he reads the newspaper and drinks his black coffee, aiming stout kicks at said dog’s midsection as a palliative for the blackness in his soul. It’s because of us and our omission that you have been left sans the awareness of vigilance that would have prevented your transformation into the yielding, brainless dog previously mentioned.

But no more. We shall correct. We shall imbue you with an awareness of vigilance so complex, so nuanced, that even body-keeps-the-score-esque hypervigilant cortisol spike emotional flashbacks will cower and tremble in fear at your mastery of alertness. You shall be the Gilgamesh of vigilance, standing astride over various phallic-coded ancient figurines with your powers of observation, as the Enkidu of ignorance slinks away, cowed and bowed, his obsequious expression carefully hiding the maelstrom of discontent raging within. You will be the Paul Bunyan of attentiveness, Babe the Blue Ox of circumspection (pause 🤣) faithfully trotting at your side as you swing your axe of guardedness against the trees of peril.

Now that you understand the goals of your education, it’s time for us to impart our knowledge of vigilance, making you so aware that your gimlet eye shall develop hawklike tendencies, able to distinguish/delineate/differentiate many small rabbits (of danger) in a faraway field.

Vigilance Lesson Number One: Look Around and Stuff

Unless you’re blind; which is fine, and even good. Looking around and stuff is key to being vigilant. You need to be looking around and stuff daily, or at least weekly, in order to stay aware of threats and such.

Vigilance Lesson Number Two: Touch stuff unless it’s dangerous

Just touch stuff, see if it’s good or bad. But don’t touch it if it’s dangerous

Vigilance Lesson Number Three: Think fast

Thanks! Join us next time for Week Awareness Month :)

Nabeel’s Footnote

You forgot regarding. No one is regarding anymore. Part of the package that makes up awareness of vigilance. You gotta regard.