An Even More Perfecter Day

The game is afoot.........

A few weeks ago, Ritam decided to go all “LeetCode” on us and freaking hack together a choose-your-own-adventure story, like he was a member of the famed hacker group freaking Anonymous… Some called it “Low Lift Ask’s answer to ‘Bandersnatch.’” Others called it “pretty cool. That must have taken a while.” As for myself? Well, I called it like I saw it: nothing more than a challenge to my own manhood.

In fact, for the past three weeks, I have been tinkering away in my workshop, furiously perfecting my answer to his epic troll face of a post. He saw my “lazy thing about Mad Men and being depressed about the world” and raised it an “intricate, finely wrought narrative you had to click a hyperlink to get to.” That was brutal, team. But fear no more—I’ve bested his ass.

You see, a little friendly competition is nothing to be afraid of, my good friends. It's all part of the fun. In fact, the many of the world's finest products arose out of ego-driven, capitalistic death wishes—feuds bitterly waged for the sole purpose of vanquishing your mortal enemy. One-upsmanship as religion. To strive for better, to be crowned the best—this is the way of the world. The Way of Man. Tesla vs. Edison. Mark Zuckerberg vs. Beautiful Babes. Cetaphil vs. Cerave.

And now, a new legendary rivalry has formed, one nestled within the small confines of this weekly Substack, yet practically begging for a larger, more global audience. Because as you'll see: I've won. I've crafted a clickventure so imaginative, so brimming with wit and vitality and the confidence of a man who knows he's better, that there can be no question. This is the end game. It's all over now.

And hey, man—it's all just jokes 😂😂😂!

Click here to read the story

Ritam’s Footnote

“…poignant and unflinching… a master at his peak.”

“[Chollampat] is the author we need to be reading to understand [2020]’s impact on our collective psyche…”

“Uproarious… a brilliant humorist’s greatest addition to the burgeoning 21st century literary canon.”

Congrats to Charlie Sosnick and Som-Mai Nguyen for tying in last week’s contest! I’ll be sending you something special in the mail. 😉