We’re a team of highly trained polling professionals, hailing from such hallowed institutions such as Quinnipiac, Siena, Monmouth, and Farleigh Dickinson. We’ve decided to form our own small consultancy in which we explore shifting American attitudes towards a variety of social and cultural issues in order to forecast trends that inform brands to update their strategies in order to increase profits in order to supercharge growth in order to support the economy in order to bolster the national position in order to play out domination fantasies on the world stage in order to make us feel better about the gaping hole inside in order to continue to live each day in order to reproduce and perpetuate the human species in order to increase entropy in the universe. So that’s what we do in a nutshell. In this introductory post, we’ll walk you though some of our data and what we think it means for the American people.
Favorite Visual Artists
Wow. Some stunning trends here. Mona Lisa has emerged as the clear front runner for Americans’ favorite artist. But what does this mean for you, the brand? Well, we think Mona Lisa’s popularity as an artist stems from the fact that Americans seem to know her name already. Many of the responses to our poll involved 30 seconds of silence from the participants, and then a small, quavering “Uh, I guess that Mona Lisa bitch.” As for the “Koons factor,” we think it exists because Jeff Koons was a participant in the poll.
As a brand, your big takeaway is this: make your audience already know your name before you try to sell to them, and be the most famous thing that they hear about all the time while growing up.
Favorite Outdoor Activities
Huge. This is huge. We’ve gleaned some absolutely invaluable insights from this data set—it turns out that the main outside activity is just capitalism. This is something, as a brand, that you should be exploiting nonstop. If you can engage in capitalism, then you’re a winner here.
What that means: develop a system that allows those who own your company to profit off the company’s growth.
Potential pitfalls: people may point out the contradictions inherent.
Favorite Musical Artists
Classic is back, baby! America’s obsession with Journey continues for the 40th straight year, and we are lowkey here for it!!
Brand takeaways: We decided to experiment with the bolding here—instead of putting the takeaway in bold, we put the lead-in to the takeaway in bold. What do you guys think of that?
Favorite Ways to Travel
Ha ha ha. Very funny, Ritam.
Brand takeaways: Is it time to end the post yet?
If the main activity outside is just capitalism…then why am I on the picket lines for the WGA every damn day 😂