A Job Interview in 2026
2026 is built different
Note: This is a fictional story. None of this ever happened to me in real life ever, I promise.
“Hey,” says the guy, looking like I expect.
“Hi,” I say, looking like I expect.
“Thanks for—” he starts.
“Thanks—” I start.
“your time today,” he finishes.
“your time today,” I finish.
“How do I pronounce your name?” he asks.
“It’s ah-kash. Like Kash Patel,” I say, half-grimacing, half-smiling to indicate knowing but not caring.
“Right. Well, let me tell you a little about myself,” he says. “I’m Conrad. I started at McKinsey for a few years, then cofounded Rebler with Aditya, who was CTO—I think you talked to him earlier?”
“Yeah,” I say. “He was great. Super nice,” I finish, pathetically.
“Yeah. So we sold to Meta after a few years, then worked there building out the team and integrating for two years, but I think we both wanted to start our own thing again, so this is round number two.”
“Cool. Wow, congrats,” I murmur.
“Thanks. Yeah, thanks,” says he. “So what are you top 1% at in the world?”
“Oh, what?” I say.
“What are you top 1% at in the world? We’re looking for real talent at this early stage.”
“Oh! Um, right. Of course. That’s—yeah, I’m top 1% at…”
“Like, whatever skills you have that you’re confident at being top 1% in,” he clarified.
“Oh, yes. Um—probably, uh, probably finding opportunities for Montage Time,” I say.
“What?”
“Yeah, like, finding opportunities to have Montage Time. That’s something I’m really good at.”
“Sorry, maybe—Is that a new AI tool or something? What’s that? Montage Time?” he says.
“It’s the type of time,” I say, flushing red with embarrassment, “when you’re biking home from a night at a friend’s house, and you put the song Mahashmashana by Father John Misty on in your headphones, and you look at all the buildings all lit up as you bike by them and appreciate the texture of everything. And you think to yourself how your life is a movie, but not in the meme way, you just actually feel it, and you know you can never share that with anyone because it’s too corny.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty special, and it’s sort of something I feel like I live for, a little bit. So I’m really good at finding opportunities to do that.”
“You wheedling shit,” he says, stonefaced.
“What?” I say.
“Coward. You’re not in the arena. You’re not a serious person. Why on earth do you think you should be in the private sector?”
“Oh—I—what?”
“This is the private sector. This isn’t some fuckaround job at a university or the government. This is for people who want to be great.”
“Right, yes, I want to be great,” I say.
“Good,” he says, mollified.
“Great at fucking your mom,” I add.
“Good,” he says, mollified.
Nabeel’s Footnote
Guessing I’m probably top 1% in the world at naming character actors. No wikipedia help. We watch Zodiac? I’m calling out John Terry, Zach Grenier, Koteas, LeGros, etc. I could go on.